by Josie Hulme
April 20
Note on the door of apartment #409 – pink lined stationery with a daisy border
Welcome to the building, neighbor! I’m having a little get together with the rest of the 4th floor Friday night—nothing fancy, just sandwiches and stuff. We’d love to have you come! Apt #411, 6:00 pm.
Jill
April 23
Note on the door of apartment #409 – pink lined stationery with a daisy border
We missed you at our party tonight. (Mrs. Neville, #410, says you were probably on a date since you’re “hot.”) Anyway, I have some chicken salad and chips left over if you want to swing by tomorrow and grab them.
Jill
P.S. Mrs. Neville is 83!
May 1
Note on the door of apartment #409 – printer paper ripped in half
I’ve been knocking for ten minutes. I know you can hear me! 2AM is NOT an appropriate time to blare One Direction! Our bedrooms share a wall, you know. Whatever kind of crazy hours you keep, please keep them to yourself!
Jill
May 1
Note on the door of apartment #411 – back of a Starbucks receipt
I was not “blaring” my music.
Mark
P.S. It was NOT One Direction!
May 2
Note on the door of apartment #409 – notepad from Jacobs&Warner law firm
Were too.
Jill
May 2
Note on the door of apartment #411 – back of a Benito’s Bellisima Pizza flier
Was not. The walls are thin. I can hear YOU moving around your room at night. It keeps me up.
Mark
May 3
Note on the door of apartment #409 – back of a quote of the day calendar (quote on the front: “Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of truth and knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods.” Albert Einstein)
I never heard Mr. Tao when he lived there. And what do you mean, it keeps you up?
Jill
May 3
Note on the door of apartment #411 – notepad from Big Al’s Body Shop
Mr. Tao was probably tucked in bed by 5:00. (Mrs. Neville says he was old—and she’s ancient!) But that doesn’t mean he didn’t enjoy the show when you were getting ready for bed. Showering, blow drying your hair, opening and closing your dresser drawers. Wondering what you have in those drawers keeps me up at night.
Mark
May 7
Note on the door of apartment #411 – yellow post-it note
Too offended to write back?
Mark
P.S. Anything black and silky?
May 7
Note on the door of apartment #409 – back of a shopping list (on the front: bananas, yogurt, granola, almond milk, chicken breasts, salad, nuts, whole wheat bread)
I am NOT offended. I would have to care what you thought to be offended. Keep your mind out of the gutter and out of my drawers!
Jill
May 8
Note on the door of apartment #411 – back of a Krispy Kreme to-go bag
Red lace?
Mark
May 15
Note on the door of apartment #409 – back of a business card (front of card: Jill Hughes, Interior Designer, Details Inc)
You’ll never know. Mrs. Neville says you’re a cop. As a policeman, you should know the penalty for voyeurism.
Jill
May 16
Note on the door of apartment #411 – back of an American Express credit card offer envelope
How do you feel about dating a cop?
Mark
P.S. Peach with ruffles?
May 17
Mark’s May 16th note re-taped on the door of apartment #409 – back of an American Express credit card offer envelope
Is this a hypothetical question?
Jill
P.S. Peach with ruffles? (eye roll) Puh-leeze
May 18
Mark’s May 16th note re-taped on the door of apartment #411 – back of an American Express credit card offer envelope
Only if the answer is no.
Mark
P.S. Peach with ruffles? (eye roll) Puh-leeze
Give a guy a break! I’m dying here.
May 19
Mark’s May 16th note re-taped on the door of apartment #409 – back of an American Express credit card offer envelope
I’m open to the possibility.
Jill
P.S. Peach with ruffles? (eye roll) Puh-leeze
Give a guy a break! I’m dying here. White cotton granny panties.
May 20
Mark’s May 16th note re-taped on the door of apartment #411 – back of an American Express credit card offer envelope
Good. You like Italian?
Mark
P.S. Peach with ruffles? (eye roll) Puh-leeze
Give a guy a break! I’m dying here. White cotton granny panties.
I bet you look sexy as hell in those. My new fantasy.
May 20
Note on the door of apartment #409 – back of Gentle Hands Massage Parlor Deep Breathing and Relaxation instructions
You better not picture me in white cotton granny panties!
Jill
May 21
Note on the door of apartment #411 – corner ripped from an evidence receipt form
Too late.
Mark
P.S. Friday?
May 21
Note on the door of apartment #409 – Lazy Caterpillar green paint color sample
Friday sounds great! I love Italian.
Jill
May 24
Note on the door of apartment #411 – floral arrangement card, Looking Forward to Seeing You in script printed on the front, a small daisy taped to the card
Can’t wait till tonight. Mario’s. I’ll pick you up at 7:00.
Mark
May 24
Note on the corner table of Mario’s Italian Restaurant – napkin
Just got an emergency call. Sorry for running out while you’re in the lady’s. I already took care of the bill. Be safe on your way home. I’ll check in with you when I can. If you have any problems, my number is 555-4892.
Mark
May 24
Note on the door of apartment #409 – corner torn from Mario’s brown paper leftover bag
Home safe. I had a great time tonight. I’ve got an early meeting so I’m going to sleep. DO NOT KNOCK!
Jill
P.S. This is NOT one of those things that girls do to screw with your head. I DID have a nice time. I’m FINE that you had to leave. And I really DO have an early meeting. See you later.
May 25
Jill’s May 24th note re-taped on the door of apartment #411 – back side of corner torn from Mario’s brown paper leftover bag
I had a good time, too. Let’s do it again. I didn’t get to kiss you good night.
Mark
May 25
Note on the door of apartment #409 – graph paper (room dimensions and quick sketch on reverse side)
Are you free tonight?
Jill
May 25
Note on the door of apartment #411 – page ripped from a small notebook
Yes.
Mark
May 26
Note on the bedside table of apartment #411 – pink lined stationery with a daisy border
I was right the first time. Black and silky.
Mark
June 12
Note on the fridge in apartment #409 – notepad from Big Al’s Body Shop
Forgot to tell you last night – I’m headed home next weekend. Is it too soon to ask you if you want to meet my family?
Jill
P.S. If it is, pretend I never wrote this.
June 24
Note on the counter in apartment #411 – back of Nam-ASS-te – Yoga for Your Booty flier
I’m leaving you for your mom. Her porcini stuffed pork chops with a demi-glace were divine.
Mark
P.S. Turn about is fair play – my family is watching the 4th of July fireworks from a boat in the harbor, you game?
P.P.S. Warning: my mother is a terrible cook – steer clear of the chicken salad sandwiches.
P.P.P.S. Is this flier for real?
July 5
Note on the table in apartment #409 – in Sharpie on a flag-print paper plate
If you’re wondering where the sandwiches that used to be on this plate went, look in the garbage. How anyone can ruin chicken salad is beyond me. Your family is hilarious.
Jill
P.S. Still seeing fireworks.
July 19
Note on the bathroom mirror in apartment #411 – red flower post-it note
Game night was great! Did you see the way Patricia and Dan were flirting? I’ll tell you what Dan says if you tell me what Patricia says…
Love, Mark
P.S. From now on, you are always on my team for Pictionary.
August 3
Note on the coffee pot of apartment #409 – back of Yu Wong’s Chinese Palace and Burritos takeout menu
Early meeting again. Didn’t want to wake you after your late night. Hope your case went well.
Love, Jill
P.S. You need more coffee. I’ll pick some up on my way home.
August 27
Note on the door of apartment #411 – page torn from Columbia Magazine
Missing you.
Love you, Mark
August 28
Note on the door of apartment #409 – back of Chicago to New York boarding pass
Missed you, too, so I came home a day early from my conference. Knock on my door when you get home.
Love you more, Jill
September 22
Note on the door of apartment #411 – on the back of The Pie flier advertising “The Big Apple” dessert pizza
Game night. Go Jets! You want to watch it together? I’ll bring beer, you bring pizza. (Hint: See front of flier)
Mark
P.S. Sorry about last time.
September 22
Note on the door of apartment #409 – clipped coupon for Orville Redenbacher’s Movie Theater Butter microwave popcorn
Only if you keep your snarky comments to yourself. Bring some popcorn too and you’ve got a deal.
Jill
P.S. You are forgiven, since my team is going to kick your team’s ass.
Go Giants!
October 20
Note trapped under a champagne flute on the linen-covered table of Bene – back of Jill’s April 20th note inviting Mark to her party, pink lined stationery with a daisy border
Happy six-month anniversary, darling! Everything I own, I give to you. Everything I am, I lay at your feet. Everything I hope to be, I trust to your hands. You are the color in my world, the joy in my life, and the promise in my future. Marry me?
Love you – forever and a day, Mark
December 3
Note on the door of apartment #410 – wedding announcement, personal note on the bottom of the card reads:
Please say you’ll come, Mrs. Neville! It wouldn’t be the same without you.
Love, Jill and Mark
P.S. My Uncle Charlie asked if I was inviting any hot chicks to my wedding. I told him about you. He said to save him the first dance.
P.P.S Go easy on him.
Killing Me Sweetly 